"McMike" (mcmike)
07/14/2014 at 20:35 • Filed to: a few good men
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"McMike" (mcmike)
07/14/2014 at 20:35 • Filed to: a few good men | 0
| 0 |
Son, we live in a world that has video formatting, and that formatting has to be guarded by men with comments. Who’s gonna do it? You?
I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for these vertical videographers, and you curse the people who fight them. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That my comment, while tragic, probably eliminates sidebars. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, eliminates sidebars. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want my comments on the internet, you need my comments on the internet.
We use words like landscape, resolution and horizontal. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent enjoying online content. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very 16:9 that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard, and head to YouTube and ridicule these people.
Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
We go back a while. We Joined _____ together, we went through all the Editor changes together, we did our tours in Kinja together. But I’ve been promoted to Portrait Video Shaming Officer with greater speed and success than you have. Now if that’s a source of tension or embarrassment for you, well, I don’t give a shit. We’re in the business of enjoying videos, ________. Don’t ever question my words in front of another commenter.
You friggin’ people. You have no idea how to film a video. All you did was weaken the internet today, ________. That’s all you did. You put people’s viewing in danger. Sweet dreams, son.
Take caution in your tone, _______. I’m a fair guy, but this fucking heat is making me absolutely crazy.
col nathan jessup. A Few Good Men
I’m gonna rip that phone out of your fingers and puke into your empty hand, you messed with the wrong commenter!
